Social media can be like alcohol. It releases inhibitions. People tend to do things that they wouldn't do in real life ...

Also, many users see it primarily as a marketing tool. They're often not remotely interested in interaction. They just want you to buy their stuff and that's it. Ironically, if they did embrace the interaction they would make more sales.

Because of these influences you get a lot of behaviour that is actually anti-social. That can be quite depressing given the context.

Automated direct messages

A lot of people absolutely detest these! As long as they're just a thank you they don't usually bother me. It's when they immediately start trying to get you to sign up to something, or flog their products or services that my temperature goes up.

Sometimes they'll ask you for something, too, such as likes, etc. Don't like that all. It's the pushiness that really puts me off.

That can apply to any other kind of interaction on Twitter, Facebook, and similar sites. I just recoil when all you get from someone is an overt attempt to sell or promote.

Insincerity

Another pet peeve is when someone you've just connected with on Twitter asks you a question like "How are you?" as if they want to actually start a conversation. Then you look at their stream and see they're doing exactly the same thing with everyone. They've probably even got some software to do it. 

I find that even more irksome because they clearly know engagement is key, but they're not doing it in a genuine way. So it's calculating as well as insincere.

Selfishness

I think the key element I find off-putting is selfishness -- people using these platforms to just say gimme, gimme, gimme! These are often minor things but they do accumulate and you end up with a lower threshold of tolerance for them. 

Recently, for example, some guy liked a comment I made in a Linkedin group discussion that referred to a post from his blog. So he sent me a message asking me to write the very same comment on the blog to beef up the interaction!

Excessive cross-promotion

Another practice that gets my goat is when people go overboard with the cross promotion. They tweet you to a Google Plus update ... which sends you to a Tumblr post ... that points you to a Facebook page update ... that finally links to their blog post! Why not just send people to the post directly?

I know they're just trying to get their other profiles known. But doing it this way just wastes people's time and effort. 

Control freaks

I know I'm starting to sound like a bit of a grouch. But there are still more things that peeve me. Private Twitter accounts, for example. I often follow people back but not if they've got that little padlock icon. It seems petty and even a tad paranoid to me. If you were a whistleblower or a citizen journalist in some totalitarian country, sure. But not if you're just tweeting about stuff generally. Why such an intense need for control? 

Facebook peeves

Another biggie -- and one that I'm sure many people can relate to -- is being added to Facebook groups without your consent, often by people you've had little or no interaction with aside from the initial connection. 

Still on Facebook: I don't like it when people repeatedly suggest that I connect with their friends. Not so bad if I share an interest. But for personal, friendly connections it can get a bit OTT after a while. I feel like saying to them: Don't you get it? I'm not interested!

Another thing that annoys me on Facebook is when people like my page, then immediately say in a comment (or worse still, in a message) that they want me to like theirs. After a while, that gets a bit tiresome even when they're in the same niche as me. And if their page has nothing in common with mine, and I'm not interested in what theirs is about, that annoys me.

Basically, I won't like a page unless I'm interested in it. And I don't expect the owner to like mine back -- although of course it's always nice when that happens. But being demanding is just rude. 

I suppose that people do this because it does work for them and their numbers improve. But apart from the fact that this is pushy, it's always better to focus on quality over quantity (both in terms of content shared and the nature of the following itself).  

When it comes to these etiquette issues I think a good rule of thumb is that if you'd feel uncomfortable approaching people in a certain way in real life then don't do it on a social network!

If you want to lift your profile as a blogger and build your authority then it's really important to connect with influential bloggers in your niche. But remember that they already have heaps of people trying to do that. You have to stand out in some way, and do it without being pushy or spammy. 

A good way to do this is to get on their radar in different ways. They're bound to be on social media, and almost all of them are on Twitter. So you should follow them there. If they do follow you back that's a good sign, but it's only the beginning. All it means is that they have seen your profile and have quickly decided you're worth following back. They still don't really know who you are. 

If they don't follow back, no matter. You can still get on their radar eventually.

Comment, tweet, retweet

What you should do in both cases is retweet their tweets from time to time. And you should also mention them. Again, it's a good sign if they reply or thank you. 

Now at the same time you should start appearing in their comment threads. Make sure that you offer really good, relevant insights, of course. Then make sure to tweet each post you contribute to, including their handle in it so they get notified on Twitter as well. 

It's this double whammy effect that will make you stand out amongst their many followers and commenters. 

Don't overdo it

Of course you can go a bit overboard with this. It would border on creepy if you did it absolutely every time they wrote a blog post! But if you did it once or twice a week for a month, then had a break, then did it again for a while it wouldn't seem desperate. And they'd have a very good idea of who you are, what you do and they will almost certainly have looked at your blog. 

Unless they're super-picky and only follow other A-listers on Twitter then you'll probably have them following you back if they didn't before, too. Also, they may even mention you in a tweet and or/post as one of their top engagers/commenters. And if they do offer guest posts on their blog then you'll be much more likely to have your submission accepted (as long as it's good, of course!).

I've decided to get back into blog commenting in a big way. I know it works if done well. And I do want to build some momentum with this blog. 

The main reason is that I have chosen an extremely crowded niche, so I have been getting very little search engine traffic to it. Social media has been a more fruitful avenue, though it's taken a lot of work and time before I've seen some benefit. 

But I've long known that quality blog commenting is perhaps the most reliable method of bringing in some clicks pretty quickly -- not to mention the indirect, long term benefits it brings. Still, I haven't done any for ages until just recently. I've been reluctant to do it for some reason ... 

I think it's got to do with the fact that I come from a writing background. Whenever I start putting my thoughts down online I'm thinking I've got to turn what I'm saying into a reasoned, thoughtful article of a few hundred words that people will hopefully enjoy reading. And this tends to happen even when I'm commenting on a blog.

I start by replying to the blogger, then I sort of forget about him and think of this imaginary audience. Then quite often I decide not to submit the comment, then cut and paste what I'm writing into a file for later use as the basis for a blog article! 

That's all well and good. I do use this stuff from time to time. But if I do that too often it means that I'm losing the benefits of a concerted commenting campaign. 

So I've decided that I've got to change my attitude to what blog commenting actually is. It's not so much writing in the traditional, purist sense. It's just a conversation with one person that others can read if they wish.

Since I've made that shift I've found it a lot easier to get into commenting again and follow through with my contributions. I'm not being miserly with my words any more.

After all, I wouldn't have the same problem if I was just chatting with someone about a subject we both share an interest in. So it makes no sense to do so if I am responding to a blog post online, in writing.